The Stages of Infertility Grief – Dealing with Defeat of a Failed IVF Transfer
Hi friends,
Having trouble figuring out what that picture is right there?
Well, when I saw it I thought it was the perfect depiction of what I’m fairly certain the inside of my brain looks like right now.
A blur of thoughts, intertwined into this giant cluster of chaos.
To say the last 10 days post failed IVF transfer have been the biggest roller coaster so far would be an understatement.
I sit here, still wondering what the hell went wrong.
I had “beautiful lining”, I was in the “90th percentile” for a successful implantation;
so tell me please: WHAT WENT WRONG?
I have started a list of questions, concerns and just random thoughts that I’m definitely going to ask my doctor.
I guess as much as I thought I “knew” going into this I really didn’t know that much!
For instance, I read an article about the optimal oxygen temperature inside the embryo culture system for embryo growth.
If you’re clueless like me, science lends towards ~5%, or what is considered a “reduced oxygen environment”.
Gosh, why didn’t I ask the percent that our little Sprinkle was incubating in?
Rookie mistake, you bet I’ll be asking that when we have our follow up appointment!
Morale of the story– I’ve enter the “anger” stage of this grieving process.
Don’t quote me on this, but in Lizism form, here’s how it goes:
The Stages of Infertility Grief
1- Shock
2-Sadness
3-Tears
4-Discouragement
5-Anger
6-Anxiety
7-Hope
I’m trying to put “blame” on some other function of this process that would help support why we ended up in the 10% that didn’t take.
Though I truly believe in my heart that there is indeed a bigger reason that we’ve been dealt this hand, I can’t help but feel anger as I grieve.
I do recognize that this is all truly part of a process and as long as I continue to move two steps forward with every one step back, in the long run I’ll be slowly moving over this bump.
My hope for you is to recognize that regardless of what stage you are in of your fertility journey, there are various stages of infertility grief.
Please take the time to allow yourself to process the emotions that come along with them, because truly there is beauty in the chaos.
For instance, the hubs and I have found a new appreciation for our marriage, for our friendship and most importantly, for life.
We know that we are indeed stronger as a couple, stronger as individuals and stronger in our belief that this journey is out of our control. We need to embrace the beauty in the unknown and continue to move forward as one.
Here’s to a new chapter of our bumps to baby.
Hugs and Love,
Liz