Post IVF Transfer Thoughts — What if this, what if that…?
I admit, I woke up today one day Post IVF Transfer and felt FANTASTIC. My positivity was RAGING and I could feel the enormous amount of prayers that surrounded me. I thank each and everyone of you for that.
But, but then after running through my day, keeping busy editing this, photographing that and planning the next move for work it hit me, SLOW DOWN.
I paused, got up from my desk and went and put on my sneakers.
A trip to Miramar Lake was necessary to regroup and reset Post IVF Transfer. I knew I was not doing my body justice having my mind work so hard and inadvertently “stressing” about should we write “grain” or “whole grain” in the book!
So, off to the the lake I went.
As I began to walk, I tried to relax, focusing on the “power of positivity”, envisioning my life 9 months from now, pushing my little sprinkle (sidenote- I nicknamed our embryo sprinkle during the implant because it was so tiny) around the lake in our baby stroller. That positivity made me smile from cheek to cheek!
But, then, reality hit when I checked my phone.
One of my fellow #ttcsisters got her result back from her two week wait and it wasn’t the news we were all hoping for her.
My heart sank. I teared up and felt a sharp pain in my stomach.
For those who haven’t gone through infertility, what I’ve found is that your #ttccommunity truly becomes a long lost family to you. You care about one another, you’ve walked in each others shoes and you want more than anything for their light to shine through at the end of the dark tunnel.
I wanted to hug her, I wanted to take away her pain. I know it can’t be easy, especially knowing this wasn’t their first round of treatment.
Then, I got worried. All these what ifs flooded my head:
What If….
♦ I got up too quickly when Dr. Shelly finished and our sprinkle slipped out.
She motioned me to lay back down after I tried to get up. Did my lack of patience mess it up?
♦ The yellow dye that I ate in the pickle I was craving messed with my transplant!
♦ I didn’t give the progesterone shot in the exact right place. Will my lining still build correctly?
Friends, I’m telling you, this brain is an engine that never shuts down.
I knew I was going down a poor path with all of these what ifs and decided to do what I only knew how.
Pray.
I asked Higher powers to comfort my friend and help lessen her pain.
I asked for strength to continue forward on this journey, knowing that whatever happens next week, it will happen for a reason. If the sprinkle is not ready to make us a trio, then there’s a reason for that. I just need to remind myself everyday the words of Maya Angelou,
“Try to Laugh as much as you Cry”.
Sending my #ttcsisters warm thoughts on this cold night,
Liz