Finding Unexpected Moments of Grace in Infertility – Meet Jamie Sumner
Warrior Women Wednesday
Hello friends!
I’m so excited to have the fabulous Jamie from The Mom Gene here on Bumps to Baby to share her fertility journey. I was introduced to Jamie just a few short weeks ago through our warrior woman from last week, Susie.
It’s incredible how much my life has changed and been touched by the women around me that have so openly reached out and shared their stories with me.
I find comfort, friendship and confidence in these women, knowing one day I too will experience a joy like no other! Please join me in welcoming Jamie now as she shares her beautiful story with all of us today.
Tell us your story. What was your fertility diagnosis? Did you have one?
My story starts on the honeymoon. I was already thinking (but not telling my newbie husband) about babies. Poor guy didn’t’ know what he was getting himself into. I was still a baby at 25, but I knew I wanted kids. By two years into marriage, I had worn my husband down enough to agree to “try”. We’d had many DTRs about this before then and he was finally ready. But it was not long off the birth control pills which I had taken to regulate my period since I was sixteen that I realized this was not going to be fast or easy. I wasn’t ovulating according to my handy (and expensive) ovulation kits. I went the standard route and saw my gynecologist. We did the bandaid Clomid. It did nothing but thin my uttering lining and turn me into a crazy lady. After a year of this we committed to fertility treatments at the most notable fertility clinic in our area. It felt extreme and a little like enlisting in the army. But our hopes were bigger than our fears at the point. Our diagnosis was the most annoying you can get: “unexplained infertility”.
How many years did you try? Ovulation calendars? IUI? IVF?
We “tried” for two years hardcore at the fertility clinic. We went through injections. Then rounds of injections plus IUIs. We got pregnant on the third IUI and announced it to all our families over Easter weekend. Then we miscarried at six weeks. I still remember that little one as our first. He/She was our glimmer of hope. That loss could have ended the parenting journey for me, but instead it made me brave. If I could survive that kind of heartbreak, I could survive more trying. We carried on and moved on to IVF.
On our first round I produced 26 eggs-cellent eggs…and got Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS) so bad that I gained thirty pounds in three days and ended up in the hospital with fluid in my abdomen, lungs, and everywhere else that my ovaries could leak it. I was put on oxygen and had liters of fluid tapped from every place it shouldn’t be. My most vivid memory of this while hopped up on pain medication was watching the fluid dripping into glass jars and thinking “those look just like growlers.” Obviously we did not transfer any of our nine embryos that resulted from that IVF. But on our first frozen transfer, we got Charlie! He’s almost five now, has special needs, and is our miracle baby. He might be the most loving kid you’ll ever meet (of course, consider the bias of the source). And then two years later on for our third transfer, we got boy/girl twins, Jonas and Cora. You should see how they love their big brother. At two-and-a-half they already have a heart for special needs.
How has infertility changed you?
Whew. How has it not? I am not the woman I once was. I do not assume things will happen in life. I have practiced letting go of control (or the illusion of it) because it will only make me crazy. I have learned to hold things lightly. Our infertility, our miscarriage, or classification both as “special needs” and “multiples” parents have taught me to let go of expectations and competition. Conception and motherhood can get so competitive. It’s daunting to even check Facebook when you’re trying to get pregnant or crying in the middle of the night with a sick newborn and every other post is a birth announcement or a happy tired mom. I’ve also grown stronger in my faith in God because I had to face that fact that I did not think he was very nice for a very long time. It took giving up hope but still seeing small unexpected moments of grace (like the Paul Simon song that played over the speakers during our transfer) or humor (like the traffic ticket I got out of for speeding when I was on my way to the NICU) to see that God was still with me even when I wasn’t talking to him.
What advice do you have to women with infertility?
Erg. This is such a hard question because I’m not sure I would have listened to anyone who was “on the other side” when I was knee deep in infertility. I probably would have taken a hug though. Here’s what I would have said to myself in hindsight: be gentle in your treatment of yourself, your timeline for your life, your expectations of each day. Infertility pins you down to your calendar like a moth on display. It keeps you in the present but not enjoying it. I would say keep your eyes out for any blessing that you weren’t expecting…moments with your significant other, new friendships, a new ability to be compassionate with yourself.
What is your favorite quote to pick you up?
It’s actually the benediction at our church. I love going out for this week armed with this one:
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may
overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)
Favorite Warrior Song?
Paul Simon’s “Graceland.” It’s about so much more than road-tripping to Elvis country.
Favorite Healthy Recipe That Brings You Comfort?
My oatmeal soufflé! I got the recipe from a bed and breakfast in Cape Cod on a ten-day long jaunt with my husband when the notion of a baby-making trip was fun and not daunting. It’s oozing with walnuts and blueberries and cranberries and topped with cream. It’s supposed to serve six but never makes it past two. Just writing this makes me want to dig out the recipe.
Jamie, wow! Thank you so much for your raw, brave honesty! Please feel free to connect with Jamie on her incredible blog, The Mom Gene, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and be sure to sign up for her weekly newsletter here!